I don’t know

Something just happened to me. Or us.

I don’t know yet what i can do in the next chapter of mylife after this. I just trying to be normal and not crying. Somehow in other part of my mind feel glad and other part feel insecure and worries about future.

In a meanwhile i just trying to positive thinking, and pray to Allah SWT. I just don’t know how to pass this life crisis .

I worry to wondering about future.

One thing that i know currently is how to Fix my relationship between me and Allah SWT and my beloved Prophet Rasulullah SAW.

27 Years Old

I was 27 years old and not yet marriage but i’ve girlfriend. Getting older for me is particular complicated, sometimes i feel late because not yet marriage but if i think more i should not worried about it. 

I just feeling bad to run this relationship without legitimated from religion aspect. Everythink i do with my live partner is a sin if not halal. I’m moslem and i do prayer everyday.

I feel shy to request something to my God. I feel shy to my beloved prophet. Too shy really..

May Allah SWT forgive us,
May Rasulullah SAW forgive us,
May i can marriage and do Taubat..

Tired and laziness

Sometimes i feel tired to follow rules in my live. But without rules everything will gonna crazy.

Maybe i will comfort in lazy state and just seeing something wrong and say “its not my responsibility to defend them” and i will say everyone selfish if i got trouble but no one cares.

I realized what i need is consistent and deveat my personal ego. No more but. Just doit now or forget about it.

I have lot of unsatisfied feeling about life. Many of them is regret of laziness, fear and chance that i not accept.

Maybe everything has gone. I don’t want loosing myself again. I need to change one by one.

First one is how i see rules and make commitment to myself.